


My Heart I Surrender

by xXdark_passengerXx



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, One Shot, Out of Character, Shizaya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 08:11:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20272738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXdark_passengerXx/pseuds/xXdark_passengerXx
Summary: ❝chasing love that can never be mine;& i can’t count the times i stayed awake pretending you were mine❞He was an idiot, but he wasn't that much of an idiot. He had pieced the pieces together one night; he figured out that Izaya was infatuated with him at the least. A few days later, he realized he liked Izaya too.There was only one problem—"Izaya."Turning around, Shizuo scowled as the man glared at him. Speak of the devil.





	My Heart I Surrender

**Author's Note:**

> it’s going to be ooc— just be aware of that. 
> 
> other than that, enjoy

Namie groaned as she took a look towards Izaya. Her stupid boss was ignoring the noise, as of this was a regular occurrence— and whether he liked to admit it or not, it was; she just left whenever the two devils visited. As if Izaya wasn't bad enough— three Oriharas in one room? Yeah, she was fine without it. However, her work had been piling up, so Izaya didn't let her leave. 

Izaya sat on his chair with his glasses on. He seemed concentrated. Namie didn't understand how he could focus when his sisters were blaring music whilst screaming along. She really couldn't take it a second later and was hoping he would tell them to shut up, but she knew he wouldn't. Even if he did, they wouldn't listen.

She took a glance at the girls and her face scowled even more. They were singing along to English songs– she wasn't even sure if they understood what they were singing! It was damn frustrating and she was this close to tearing everything apart.

A file dropped in front of her as her boss quickly left to complete his other work. She took a look at him, an eyebrow raised. Once he settled in his seat, he noticed her look.

"Do what you would usually do."

He then went back to his work. She nearly crushed the file in her hands, but it wasn't because of the eldest Orhiara.

"Break up with your girlfriend 'cause I'm bored!"

The louder one was the one singing. The quieter one— the one with short hair— was just dancing along, a smile on her usual monotone face.

Namie couldn't take it anymore. She abruptly stood up. Izaya was the only one to notice, but only gave a questioning glance. She stormed towards the kitchen and he shrugged her off. She decided to make some coffee.

Izaya watched Namie angrily walk towards the kitchen. He sighed as he continued with his work. He knew his sisters' presence was distracting, but he couldn't tell them to leave.

He, personally, didn't mind them at times. They were intolerable most of the times, but then he would remember them as babies— feeding them, playing with them, tucking them in bed... a smile would appear on his face instead of annoyance and he would let them stay. He wouldn't admit it, but he really did want them to be happy.

Izaya sighed as he leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling. It had been a long day, and the afternoon had only just hit. It was nearing one in the afternoon, which meant he still had many hours to go. Not only that, but a lot of work had been given to him, most with due dates soon. Izaya smiled. Some deadlines were slightly flexible, an advantage that came with dating a Yakuza.

A bang interrupted him from his small break. Izaya, once again, sighed deeply and stood up as he took off his reading glasses, laying them on top of his desk. He walked past his sisters and towards the door. He already knew who it was– nobody else had a knock that would tear the building down. 

He unlocked the door and walked back to his desk. He sat down, waiting for the door to open. He thought the dumb brute would figure out to come in. Eventually, Shizuo slammed the door open and rushed in. Surprisingly, the door was still intact and in one piece.

Shizuo opened his mouth. He was ready to yell at the flea for some bad instinct he felt. He was ready to throw everything that might hurt the tiny flea (which was nearly everything) at him. However, he noticed the twins listening to something as they danced, completely ignoring him.

He shook his head, but he made the mistake of listening to the lyrics.

"Break up with your girlfriend—"

And suddenly, his mouth was open, but no words came out. Instead, he looked at Izaya intently, who gave him a look back. Shizuo couldn't help but stare at Izaya's red eyes. He was an idiot, but he wasn't _that_ much of an idiot. He had pieced the pieces together one night; he figured out that Izaya was infatuated with him at the least. A few days later, he realized he liked Izaya too.

There was only one problem—

"Izaya."

Turning around, Shizuo scowled as the man glared at him. Speak of the devil.

Izaya suddenly smiled and stood up. "Shiki!"

Shizuo tried not to scoff. They were together apparently, yet they still didn't call each other by their first name? What kind of relationship—

Shizuo saw Izaya's secretary peek her head from the kitchen, before rolling her eyes and stating she was going to make dinner, and disappear once again. Shizuo turned back to Izaya, who had taken a glimpse at his younger sisters.

Izaya looked at the two of them with a smile before throwing his arms in the air. "I'm sorry, boys, but it seems like now really isn't that good of a timing. I've a lot of work to finish, and so, with much respect directed at only one of you, I ask you both leave."

Shizuo knew who the respect was for, yet he acted as if it were for him. Shizuo nodded and walked out of the apartment. He only left so he could beat the crap out of the yakuza behind closed doors. He turned around to see Shiki staring at Izaya. Shizuo would've dragged the yakuza's arse outside of it weren't for the men with guns.

Eventually, Shiki nodded his head and left the apartment, closing the door on the way. Immediately, he saw Shiki take out his phone and open some app. He leaned over the man's shoulder and realized it was live feed of Izaya's apartment.

"What the hell—"

"I need to see what was possibly more important than me."

Shizuo stared at him and growled. "Work, obviously. How can he even stand being near you?"

To make his situation worse, Shiki knew about how Izaya and Shizuo felt, but Izaya didn't know how Shizuo felt. It was just a big mess— one Shizuo wasn't too sure how to get out of unless the old man was out of the picture.

Shiki ignored him as he watched the live feed. Shizuo rolled his eyes. "You're a real stalker, ya know that?"

Despite his words, Shizuo couldn't help but lean over and watch along. Shiki ignored him. "It's to make sure he's safe. Besides, I need a bit of entertainment sometimes."

Shizuo only growled, but continued to watch, wondering what Izaya does when he thinks no one's watching him.

The twins switch to a different song with knowing smirks on their face. Shizuo recognized it as 'Ol Town Rose' or something. He heard it a few times around the city. He just didn't know why the girls had that face.

Shizuo's jaw dropped when he saw Izaya smile. Shizuo only ever experienced the smile a few times— not as many as he'd like and certainly none were ever directed at him, and instead were seen from afar, candidly. It was a genuine smile, but why?

"Come on, Izaya!" Mairu, he guessed, yelled at her brother. The twins ran to their brother and tugged on both of his sleeves. "Please dance with us!"

"I've got work to do," he answered as he tried shaking their grip off of him. "I'm serious."

"Izaya!" she whined as she ran to the radio player and turned up the volume.

"Dance," Kururi quietly said as she also walked back to the radio.

Izaya sighed as he stood up, a glint in his eyes. The twins had that glint too. Shizuo was confused. He realized that the glint was because they all knew the course was about to come.

"Fine," Izaya deeply sighed, trying to seem bothered and annoyed at the two nuisances. He walked towards the girls, who were jumping on the couch. Izaya picked up a hat he found on the couch, probably left behind by one of his clients.

Suddenly, he slammed the hat onto his head, having it slightly tipped down. "I'm gonna take my horse to the old town road—"

Shizuo listened intently to the English words rolling out of Izaya's mouth. He couldn't help it, he was just so mesmerizing in general, but singing and dancing was unbelievable.

Shizuo noticed Shiki was confused, slightly tilting his head. "Is this really what he chose over me?"

"I'm gonna," Izaya and Mairu sang as the latter jumped on his back as he 'oofed' real quick, "ride 'til I cant no more!"

Mairu dangled on his back with her arms wrapped around his neck. Izaya had grabbed Kururi's arm and had danced with her, spinning her in circles and everything.

Namie angrily walked out of the kitchen, with a spoon in her hand. She seemed as if she were ready to scowl at them. She was actually going to ask them to either shut up or turn the volume down. However, the spoon nearly fell from her hands when she saw the scene of Izaya dancing with his sisters. Instead, she took out her phone and recorded the scene.

_Idiot_, she thought to herself with a small–_very small-_ smile. She remembered that the man she worked for was the same man as this. He may have been manipulative, but one thing always overran the other— he was also a brother. It made working for him more tolerable, and at times, fun, since she could tease him and everything.

The song seemed to end and Izaya laughed as he let go of Kururi's hands. He had to rip Mairu off his back and shove her towards her sister to get her to let go. He looked at them with an apologetic look, though it seemed like he was trying to cover it up.

"Sorry, girls," he apologized as he walked back to his desk and sat down. "I've got a lot of work to do."

"Izaya!" Mairu whined as the twins walked up to his desk, grabbing a bunch of papers. They weren't too sure what it was, but they seemed important, especially with their brother's arm reaching out for it. "Can we at least stay the night?"

"No," Izaya said as he shook his head. "Now give the files back—"

"Please!" Mairu and Kururi both whined, one louder than the other. They both watered their eyes as they pouted, even with the knowledge of it never working on Izaya. If Izaya were to say yes, it was because of his undying love for his sisters— or so Mairu and Kururi always thought.

"You know what? Fine. Now hand the stuff back," he grumbled, trying to hide the small smile appearing on his face. The twins cheered as they gave his work back, spinning in circles and turning the radio's volume even higher.

"Ha," Shizuo scoffed as he took a step back. "Looks like he doesn't consider you family, eh? Or else you'd be there with them."

Shiki shook his head as he continued to watch the scene playing on his phone. "I'm working on it. Unlike some brutes, I'm not on his hit-list and am making progress."

An hour later, it seemed as if Izaya had given up on trying to get any work done. So, he disappeared for a moment before entering the room again, this time with multiple boxes. Shizuo stared at the words on the boxes, only to realize they were board games.

"I sue you, Mairu," Izaya smugly stated as he laughed.

"I don't get how you can be super rich in real life and in the game of life," Mairu complained as she handed him a hundred bill.

This had gone on for a few hours before the twins were practically asleep with their eyes open. Namie had left hours ago, rolling her eyes at Izaya. Kururi had definitely fallen asleep. Izaya sighed as he carried both of the twins up. He huffed and complained about how they had gotten much heavier from when they were toddlers.

Shizuo watched with a smile. He hated himself for, basically, having fallen in love with this man. Izaya wasn't only who he portrayed himself to be. Unfortunately, Shizuo thought as he glanced at the old man beside him, he was too late.

Izaya walked into a room, one that was probably reserved for the twins. He tucked them in. As Izaya tried to get up and leave quietly, Mairu's hand shot out and caught his wrist.

"We may not say it often," she slurred as she tried to get the words out, "but we appreciate you, Izaya. We may sort of love you to a certain extent." And then she fell asleep.

Once Mairu had fallen asleep, Izaya got up and left. As soon as he shut the door, he began to softly cry. A hand shot up to his mouth in attempt to muffle the sobs.

Shizuo stared, feeling his heart break at the scene. Many people, including the man himself, forgot that he was human.

Shizuo couldn't watch the next scene properly. Seeing Izaya take a few more steps before leaning against the wall and sliding down it as he sobbed into his hands was the last thing needed to make Shizuo furious.

Before he could do anything, Shiki had patted his shoulder. "Go home. He needs someone he actually wants to see."

Shiki had practically thrown the phone with the live feed into his hands before pulling out a key and opening the door. Shizuo wanted to follow after him, but he knew his place.

He watched Shiki climb the stairs. He watched him walk towards Izaya. He watched Izaya's head lift up as he furiously rubbed at his face, trying to clear at the tears. He watched Shiki help Izaya to his room. He watched them lie down. He watched Izaya cry into Shiki's chest as the latter stroked the other's hair.

Shizuo didn't know why he still hoped. He didn't know why he hoped Izaya would leave the man and come to him instead. It was impossible. As far as Izaya knew, Shizuo hated him.

He couldn't take it anymore. He let the phone drop from his hands, ignoring the men in black suits yelling at him. He couldn't hear anything anyway. He just needed to leave.

So, he found a park. It seemed abandoned, one no one would ever go to. Despite the _No Smoking Within 20 Metres _sign, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He stared up at the sky and saw a star. It wasn't anything special, just another light in the sky.

Still, he closed his eyes. "I wish he were here," he whispered so lowly, he couldn't even hear himself.

An hour had past of him staring at the sky. He was on his fifth cigarette, but he couldn't find any ounce in him to care. He couldn't be bothered when he felt like this, which was happening a lot more frequently than before.

"Stupid star," he growled as he glared at the sky.

"And what did the poor star do to my dear monster?"

Shizuo snapped his head to the left. He gasped at the raven-haired man, his cigarette almost slipping from between his fingers. Izaya ignored his shocked state, and instead, took the cigarette form his loose fingers. He placed it between his lips as Shizuo took a few moments to recover.  
  
"Never took you for a smoker," was all Shizuo could get out.

"Every now and then, we all need one." Izaya handed it back to Shizuo, who took it but kept it away from his mouth. "So what are you doing in Shinjuku, let alone an abandoned park?"

"Just dreamin'," he sighed as he willed himself to look away from his red eyes. "Hating myself for loving the impossible."

"What else would you want to love, Shizu-chan?" Izaya turned his gaze to Shizuo. "If you were to love what you were able to, you wouldn't be as grateful for it. Now where's the fun in that?"

"What are you doing here?" Shizuo asked gruffly, throwing the cigarette on the floor and heeling it. "Shouldn't you be giving the old man his reading glasses or whatever."

"If you're trying to insult him with reading glasses, that was a poor attempt. You do know I wear reading glasses?" Shizuo's eyebrows furrowed. "I'm guessing you don't. I may be young for them, but my family's never had the best eyesight."

Shizuo shook off the regret of his idiocy. Of course he had to insult Izaya even when he didn't mean to. "And you're here because?"

"Because I just need to step away at times," he answered, looking down at his feet. "I feel like I can never be happy."

"And why's that?" Shizuo crossed his arms, leaning towards Izaya as if to scare him a little. But Shizuo should've known it wouldn't work; it was Izaya after all.

Instead of answering, he took out his phone and played a song. He placed his phone on a park bench and turning to Izaya. A slow, acoustic song started to play. He looked to Shizuo and sadly smiled.

_i'm a ghost in your eyes_  
_a shadow you can't seem to recognize_

"Dance with me, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo stood in place as Izaya walked up to him and grabbed his arms, placing them on his hips. Izaya placed his own around the other's neck. Shizuo didn't notice anything else except for Izaya's captivating eyes. There was something about them, something he couldn't point out.

_i have a thought of you for every star in the sky _  
_but i'm scared i'll never cross your mind_

They danced for a moment. Shizuo couldn't think of anything at the moment. All he could think about was Izaya. He pulled Izaya closer by his hips. He leaned down, hoping to catch Izaya lips with his.

However, Izaya had looked to the side, slightly leaning back. Shizuo pulled back, his hands going limp around Izaya's waist, but not pulling them away yet.

"Shizu-chan," he whispered, looking back at Shizuo with those sad, red eyes.

_will our stars ever align?_  
_will two hearts beat in time?_

"I don't get it," Shizuo admitted as he tried to put words together. "I know we feel the same about each other, so why can't you just..." Shizuo knew he was being unfair, but he couldn't seem to stop. The only thing really keeping him from demanding an answer were the sounds of Izaya's sobs from earlier.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya repeated, his voice even quieter and shakier as he placed both his hands on Shizuo's cheeks. That's when Shizuo realized.

_these words you should always remember _  
_to you, my heart i surrender_

"Izaya." Shizuo lifted his right hand hesitantly, as if he were too scared to find out the truth— and he was. Still, he placed his right hand on Izaya's left, feeling the cool touch on his ring finger. "You're—"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, as he held back from saying any more. Shizuo knew the other was on the verge of tears, but he refused to show it to anyone. Shiki had just gotten lucky.

_chasing love that can never be mind_  
_maybe one day you'll realize_

"No, wait, Izaya," Shizuo pleaded as Izaya began to draw his hands back. "I don't— why?"

"Waiting was never my virtue," Izaya said in a stronger voice than before, or it seemed to be more stable than it had been. "I've waited for over a decade, and I knew that if I waited nay longer, everything would fall apart."

"But now, I— You don't have to wait for a second longer, Izaya. Please," he begged, refusing to let go of Izaya's hands.

_these words you should always remember _  
_to you, my heart i surrender_

"Now's too late, Shizu-chan," Izaya explained as he wiggled his hands out. Shizuo seemed to have loosened his grip. "He never made me wait, and I can't hurt him the same way I'm able to hurt you."

"Izaya." Shizuo let go of his hands altogether, letting them drop to his sides. He watched Izaya pick up his phone, giving him a sad look.

_and i can't count the times_  
_i stayed awake, pretending you were mine_

"You'll be happier off without the man who tried to kill you." Izaya turned around and walked out of the park.

Shizuo stared at the retreating figure, silently pleading for him to come back. He cursed when the silhouette disappeared. He threw his hand in his hair as he stared up at the star. Izaya had been here, just like he had wished for. But Izaya wasn't _here. _He should've wished for Izaya to be here with him.

_now i'm left here with this emptiness inside_  
_why can't i make you mine_?

Izaya was never meant to be with him, Shizuo realized. That realization hit him harder than any truck, made his heart break even more than when he saw the tears in Izaya's eyes. He was too late.


End file.
